That’s a perception that can have serious negative consequences in one’s personal and professional life. An apology with changed behavior is one of the surest ways to help mend damaged bridges. Replacing over-apologizing with assertiveness will take some time, but it will be healthier for you both at home and in the workplace.
Do you find yourself constantly apologizing for things that are not your fault or out of your control? It can be a tough habit to break, but with some awareness and practice, you can start to shift your mindset and stop saying sorry unnecessarily.
Why do we apologize so much?
Apologizing frequently can be a result of various factors such as low self-esteem, fear of conflict, or a desire to please others. Understanding the root cause of your excessive apologizing can help you address it effectively.
The impulsive “I’m sorry” is a bit more challenging, because you don’t necessarily want to replace it with anything. Use thanks and other forms of gratitude as a way to change the perception of the conversation. Or just simply move out of the way without saying anything. It’s not something you can or should be apologizing for.
We assume they are arrogant, or perhaps they are narcissistic. Maybe they are over-confident and don’t believe they are in the wrong. Having the humility and compassion to apologize is an invaluable trait.
Here are some tips to help you stop saying sorry all the time:
And last but probably the most important step of all is to love yourself! If you love someone, you wouldn’t demean, undervalue, or in any way reduce that person’s dignity, would you? Over-apologizing, as shown in tip 2, does not do justice to your abilities and values as a person. Even though you have probably been undermining yourself for a long time, the fact that you read this post means that you want to change and believe in your worth.
For the past 25 years, she’s been helping people-pleasers, perfectionists, and adult children overcome self-doubt and shame, embrace their imperfections, and set boundaries. Dr. Martin writes the popular blog Conquering Codependency for Psychology Today and is the author of The CBT Workbook for Perfectionism and The Better Boundaries Workbook. I’m the worst” notice how this makes it all about you, and it doesn’t make anyone feel better.
You can also assess why these things trigger this reaction from you, revisiting the first tip which is to understand yourself better. A tendency to over-apologize may stem from an aversion to conflict. You may be worried about saying “no” because you fear people dislike you or get upset. Typically, the opposite is true, and people will respect your self-awareness and honesty. If you feel bad about not being able to do it all, it may be time to adjust the exacting expectations you hold yourself to.
- Pause before apologizing: Instead of automatically saying sorry, take a moment to consider if an apology is truly warranted.
- Use alternative language: Instead of saying sorry, try expressing gratitude or empathy. For example, say “thank you for your patience” instead of “sorry for taking so long.”
- Practice assertiveness: Stand up for yourself and communicate your needs without feeling guilty or apologetic.
- Set boundaries: Establish clear boundaries with others to prevent situations where you feel the need to apologize unnecessarily.
Frequently Asked Questions about apologizing:
- Is it okay to apologize when you’ve made a mistake?
Absolutely! Apologizing for genuine mistakes is important for taking responsibility and showing respect for others.
- How can I distinguish between necessary and unnecessary apologies?
Assess whether you are genuinely at fault or if the situation is beyond your control. If you didn’t do anything wrong, there’s no need to apologize.
Remember, it’s okay to acknowledge your mistakes and apologize when needed, but it’s also essential to recognize when an apology is unnecessary. By practicing self-awareness and changing your language habits, you can stop saying sorry all the time and cultivate healthier communication patterns.
