This means framing the effects of situation around your personal experience, not on what the other person did wrong or what it might mean about them as a person. Self-awareness is considered one aspect of emotional intelligence (EI). EI is the ability to understand, manage, and use your emotions in positive ways to help communicate with others, relieve stress, and diffuse conflict.
The words left your lips before you could scoop them back in. Inquiring about the biggest stressor in his life (the one he was praying no one would bring up) was an innocent mistake. Sure, you apologized profusely, but you can tell he’s smarting. The fourth and final ‘C’ stands for a few words, ‘consistent change of behavior.’ As Dr. Murray stresses, the offending party must commit to putting in the work at changing. Leary has cited the late comedian Bill Hicks as one of his biggest influences.
Have you ever found yourself in a situation where someone apologizes for their behavior by simply saying, “I’m sorry I’m an asshole”? It can be frustrating and challenging to know how to respond to such a statement. Here are some tips on how to deal with this kind of defense:
Communicate your Feelings
You never feel entirely safe, but always feel defensive. Is it possible for a friend or lover or even a spouse to reassure you, or do you always feel as though you’re waiting for the other shoe to drop? In my book, I tell the story of Mike and Susan, whose relationship was finally undone by her inability to ever feel reassured that he loved her, which he did. Then you Listen by making sure that you are hearing the person clearly and not reading into anything.
When you feel yourself start to react, you give yourself a mental time-out and simply Stop. When someone apologizes to you, are you able to accept it and move on, or do you stay coiled in a defensive crouch? Sometimes, the effects of childhood insinuate themselves into the small details of life. This doesn’t mean that this securely attached person won’t suffer or fail, because they will; it’s just that when it happens, they tend not to flounder.
When you’re with someone who plays this game, you don’t want to be around them. The reason they’re playing that game is that they have nothing else to work with, so they get louder and louder until they get their way. They’ll override you with a non-stop barrage of talking, convincing, and telling you what your perception should be. They talk and talk, and you get worn down because even though you’re not doing anything, you’re sitting there waiting for them to stop talking.And it’s another intimidation tactic. It’s not always intimidating, though it doesn’t come across as intimidating. It usually comes across as logical or analytical, very well thought out, because many toxic people are intelligent people.
It’s essential to communicate how their behavior made you feel when faced with the “I’m sorry I’m an asshole” defense. Let them know the impact of their actions on you and why it was hurtful. This can help them understand the seriousness of the situation and encourage them to take responsibility for their behavior.
Set Boundaries
If someone continues to use the excuse of being an asshole as a defense for their actions, it may be necessary to set boundaries. Let them know that such behavior is not acceptable, and there will be consequences if it persists. Be firm in enforcing these boundaries to protect yourself from further harm.
Seek Closure
If the person apologizing with the “I’m sorry I’m an asshole” defense genuinely regrets their behavior, work towards finding closure. Discuss what steps they can take to make amends and prevent similar incidents in the future. This can help rebuild trust and move forward in a positive direction.
FAQs
- Is it okay to accept the apology?
- It depends on the sincerity of the apology and the willingness of the person to change their behavior.
- How do I know if the apology is genuine?
- Look for signs of remorse and a commitment to improving their actions in the future.
