You can suffer for a long time over a love that you felt betrayed by or that violated your own principles of respect and commitment. However, there’s nothing more important than opening yourself up to new relationships. Thus, go ahead, open yourself up to those new relationships in the here and now. Leave behind everything that’s wrong and everything that no longer exists.
As desire is produced in the beyond of demand, demand is actually aimed at the Other. The subject, in confusing desire with the demand to fill lack, also confuses an actual other with the Other. Desire for the Other then gets projected as a demand placed upon others. Thus, the lover uses the other as a stopper, rendering invisible the lack in the Other. According to psychoanalysis, there’s one undeniable way of achieving satisfaction and maturity in your relationships.
At the heart of his thinking, love occupies a key place, as evidenced by his famous aphorism. Far from romantic commonplaces and mirages of passion, this formula opens up new perspectives on the dynamics of love, which it illuminates in a new light. Freud once said that love is the great educator. And indeed, love teaches us about the facts of life.
French psychoanalyst Jacques Lacan is known for his intricate and often perplexing theories on human behavior and relationships. One of his most famous quotes on love goes as follows: “Love is giving something you don’t have to someone who doesn’t want it.” At first glance, this statement may seem paradoxical, but upon deeper examination, it reveals a profound insight into the complexities of love.
A first line of reflection concerns the use of the Italian language. Lacan was very theatrical, indeed histrionic, in his therapeutic and didactical styles. Switching for two words out of French into Italian, whether written or spoken, certainly would have had a certain dramatic effect. Pronounced with the strong intonation of a question in Italian and accompanied by an insistent hand gesture, this question immediately puts the interlocutor under psychological pressure on various fronts.
The Meaning Behind the Quote
If you want to make sure of keeping it intact you must give it to no one, not even an animal. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements. Lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness.
When we reject the weakness and brokenness of God, then we reject the very gift of God to us. And yet, when we meet someone who offers what were not looking for we have a choice. We can reject it – we were not looking for this to begin with – or we can receive it. In receiving the other person’s lack or brokenness we receive the very thing we did not think we wanted. And how is it loving to give this non-possession to someone who does not want it?
When Lacan talks about giving something you don’t have, he is referring to the act of selflessness in love. It is about offering your time, your energy, your support, without expecting anything in return. It is the willingness to sacrifice for the well-being of the other person, even if it means going beyond your own capabilities.
Understanding Unwanted Gifts
On the other hand, the phrase to someone who doesn’t want it suggests that love is not always reciprocated in the way we hope or expect. It may be that the person we love is not ready to receive our affection, or perhaps they do not appreciate the gesture at the moment. In these instances, true love means respecting their boundaries and accepting that our love may not be returned in the way we desire.
Frequently Asked Questions
- Why does Lacan emphasize the idea of giving something one doesn’t have?
- How can we apply Lacan’s quote to our own relationships?
- What does it mean to love someone who doesn’t want our love?
In conclusion, Lacan’s quote on love challenges us to rethink our understanding of love. It urges us to consider the selfless nature of love and the importance of respecting the autonomy of others. By embracing the complexities of love, we can cultivate deeper connections and explore the true depths of human emotion.
